apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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