Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
