I wanna bring you to show and tell
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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