the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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