You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
