I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
