i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
