We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i will never coherently bang her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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