ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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