True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
