Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
