Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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