Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize