I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I am morally bankrupt
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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