I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
