Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dignity is for republicans.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
