there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
