Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
