Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
