i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
