I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
