This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
