i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
