A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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