Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
