you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
