how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
