last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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