And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
