Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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