Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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