saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
