so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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