my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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