I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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