He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
