I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
