Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
