I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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