Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
