I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
