Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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