if only i could text you this smell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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