I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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