I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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