Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
