she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
