You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
