U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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