can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
