i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
