Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
