He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
