Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
