just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
