GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
