my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
