Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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