...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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