when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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