We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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