Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
