They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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