I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize