So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize